Thailand, home of the transvestites

I was just in Thailand for the past week. I don’t know when I arrived nor when I left so the dates are somewhat accurate according to my computer. Without internet access and a laptop, I decided to keep a little log of my outgoings. I’ll update with pictures when I get an internet access with uploads speeds higher than 5 kb/s. Click on read more for my adventures…

06/26/05 – 3AM
I think I’ll start up a log since it’ll help with my writing and my memory of this summer. First of all, I hate plane trips. If my hate for plane trips could be measured with water volume, I would fill up the Pacific Ocean. Why? Well, I always wanted a peaceful trip to my destination. I always pray that I don’t get put with a baby in my section but there always has to be one. And the worse part is the parents don’t seem to care that their damn kid is making a whole section of the plane suffer! And it was good in the beginning too, the airline didn’t have two seats available for my mom and I so we got spilt up. I liked my original seat. Fairly quiet, an adult next to me and just this one baby in the front which I can drone out after I put my headphones on. That was before. After my mom had me switch with someone else closer to her, I had to stand for thirteen hours: kids in front and to the left of me, this baby that wouldn’t stop crying when everyone was sleeping, and my mom asking me all these questions. All I wanted was a peaceful trip. What I got was the exact opposite. At least it wasn’t economy class, the minuet spaces they give you would’ve gotten me screaming and going insane with the combinations of all the others.

Speaking of kids, I never noticed kids do not understand people’s personal space until that ride. I mean, I didn’t mind but it was just something I noted. He would constantly touch my arm or kick me or just do something that invaded my personal space. I understood that he probably didn’t know what he was doing was bad but it was just something neat I noticed. I wonder if I did that when I was younger.

After a grueling sixteen hour trip (thirteen hours from LAX to Taipei and then another three from Taipei to Thailand) I arrived at my destination at 2AM. Not much to see right now as it is late at night but one thing I noticed was that it is hot as hell. Once I stepped off the plane there was like this heat wave that just overtook me. I for one hate the heat. This isn’t going to be a fun time.

Anyways, my mom informed me earlier that I didn’t have to wake up until noon so I can catch up on my sleep. Then after that we would go to a Thai masseuse and just have a relaxing afternoon. Sweet was my initial thought. I later found out my mom was wrong. When I wake up, at 5:30AM, we would then be going to those water markets where like people sell their products on their boats and then we would go see some elephants and get to ride some. Ya, it sound fun does it? Look at me, I am ecstatic. I’ll take pictures tomorrow to show the good time I am having. If you see a tear out of my eye, those aren’t tears of happiness.
At least my mom wasn’t totally wrong, the tour guide said at night we would go to the masseuse so I have something to look forward too. I have been tense and stressed lately for no good reason so a good massage would at least relief some of that tension. It’s 4AM right now and I need to wake up in one and a half hour. I probably won’t go to sleep and end up watching something to pass the time. What a great way to start this vacation.

06/26/05 – 9:30AM
Getting one hour of sleep then going out on a day is torturing. I first noticed on my way home that they drive on the other side of the road. Nothing wrong with that, it just felt weird as hell when I am so use to driving on the right side of the road. After eating breakfast the tour guide was telling us facts and what not about Thailand. I learned the capital of the country, Bangkok, is now named something else that I cannot pronounce and is a) the longest city name in the world and b) in English, it is called the city of angels. The name of the city took our tour guide around 10 seconds to pronounce. I thought she was just babbling in Thai until she stopped and said “that’s the name of the city.? I was like “Whoa. Mother fucking whoa.?

I also learned some neat history about the country and their culture. 95% of the country is Buddhist, 5% Muslim and 1% Christian. The remaining percents make up all the other religions. Also, the natives here think it’s unpolite to have their heads touched since Buddha is suppose to protect half their head and it’s disrespectful to touch the Buddha. That also means no massaging their head. Sucks for some people I know.

We arrived to the floating market which is basically a river with all these boats that act as shops. That was a neat experience. They put us on boats and we headed out to go “shopping.? I use that term loosely since half the stuff is fake and the other half is owned by every other shop out there. We got our pictures taken though and got put onto this plate like a souvenir. I look so kawaii in the picture, I am going to take it into my apartment and put it right in front when someone walks into the place. It’ll be there to greet people and there’s no discussion about it Ambar.

06/27/05 – 7:30AM
Oh god, the massage parlor was kick ass. I couldn’t even stay awake after we left the place, I just kept on dosing off. After we had left the floating market, we had some food in this restaurant and I got my first taste of real Thai food. All I can say about it is that is a really unique taste; a bit of sweetness mix with a small dose of tanginess. Nothing like the Thai food I had when I was in the states, nothing like it. Afterward we had eaten, we headed over to the Samphren Elephant Ground and Zoo where I got to ride on an elephant saw this crocodile show co-hosted by this flamboyant (very) guy and I got to see another show on the history of elephants with an opener by this magician.

Ever since Greg has shown me his card tricks and told me some secrets, I find stage magic to be very dull. Also, this guy did the typical routine, few disappearance/reappearance acts, manipulations and etc. I just didn’t find it amusing at all. Now the stage magic at the Magic Castle, that still wows me. It’s probably since the magicians I see on there move so quick that it’s really hard to tell how they even begin to hold all the objects they are pulling out of their hands. Plus, they don’t dress like they fell into a rainbow. Anyways, I digress.

After we had left the zoo, we headed on a trip for three hours to Pattaya where we ended up on our beach resort. Our guide told us the resort we were staying at was considered five stars and that it cost around 110 US dollars per night. Now, this room doesn’t look five stars since I have been to one in China and that was so damn nice but it’ll do. I guess five stars doesn’t mean the same everywhere. We ate at another Thai food place which was good although I am still not use to the Thai flavor. I also had this soup that Norma loves whenever we go to the Thai restaurant and all I have to say is that this was some really spicy stuff. None of that “bland? stuff I had back home.

At night we went to the massage parlor and I’ll just say it was awesome. For twelve US dollars for two hour full body massage, you cannot complain. Plus, the first one was paid by the tour. All I remember is that I was so relaxed I could hear everything around me yet I didn’t want to move. My body was resting but my mind was awake, it was such an awesome feeling. Now today, we head to the beach, get to see this lady boy show tonight and have the afternoon to ourselves!

06/27/05 – 11PM
Well, this day was probably one of the most exciting one this year. The tour headed to the beach and onto a boat where we went towards this island 15 minutes away from Pattaya. There, I went parasailing and while it was a short trip (around two minutes) it was so fun! They dipped me into the water near the end and had me soaking wet after I got off. Then we headed to another part of the island where I went on a jet ski and I have decided that I will be buying one in the future after I get a job and all my necessities bought first. Jet skis are so amazingly fun and I could imagine my friends and me racing each other with them. Man that was so fun. In the afternoon I did absolutely nothing except watch some Dave Chapelle episodes on the laptop and just relaxed. This is what summer is all about.

After that we had a BBQ seafood dinner which wasn’t all that good and went to watch the Tiffany’s Show, which is basically a show performed by transvestites. I took no pictures since my memory is very clear of what it was. And I got kissed by a transvestite which was also interesting. One part of the show they walked down to the audience to flirt with them and being in the front row, they picked me. It’s amazing how much they look like females; if the tour guide didn’t tell me those were all transvestites I would’ve thought they were all female. Crap, it even went across my mind that they were *insert dirty thought* and I started crying inside after that happened. Oh god, I can’t trust the females here in Pattaya anymore. Tomorrow is another day.

06/29/05 – 3:35PM
Yesterday was boring as hell. I didn’t even feel compelled to write anything and just wanted to give a brief summary of what happened. In the morning we went to this gem museum where they showed all these different types of gems and at the end there was an area where you could buy them. The tour guide left us there for TWO hours shopping. I swear, it’s like they get a commission of the sales also. Basically, for two hours I just sat in the lounge doing nothing. I didn’t even bring my mp3 player or laptop down so I was bored out of my mind. In the afternoon we went back to Bangkok and visited the Grand Palace, which is where the previous Kings has resided. It’s pretty neat that Thailand is ruled under a constitutional monarchy; neat being that I never visited a country that was ruled under this system. The Grand Palace was a nice place, it’s amazing the amount of intricate details that the laborers had to do to make the place what it is. Also, there was these guards like the ones in Britain where all they do is stand guard with no movement or speech. So like any tourist, we tried to make him laugh. The closest I got to making him laugh was a smile.

Speaking of guards, I noticed a lot of the guards/military personnel all had assault rifles but none of them were loaded. No magazine or anything, it’s just completely empty. Why is that? I mean, why not load it, I see the magazine in a pocket on them but wouldn’t it be more rational to just load it. If they were to use it, they would still need to take out the magazine and load it into the gun. Meh, just ranting. At night we went to this buffet again (we have had buffets all week) but this buffet was probably the best out of them all due to the great quality of the food and selection. After that, the tour guide took everyone to this flea market but dropped some people who didn’t want to go back to the hotel. So I just stayed back at the hotel and chilled until I fell asleep. I see no reason to go to a flea market when you have no money.

Today, we were suppose to meet at the lobby by 11AM so I got to sleep in. When we left the place we headed over to this other hotel for lunch. Guess what, another buffet. But this one was like last nights, it was so damn good. Too bad I just ate three hours ago so I couldn’t eat much. Anyways, we headed over to the Vimenak mansion which is where King Rama V resided for a bit. It’s also the world’s largest teakwood mansion. Color me impressed, now I just need to find out what the hell teakwood is. After the tour of the mansion we headed off to the airport where I am typing this as I wait for my flight which got delayed. Man, I’ll finally be able to visit my dad’s place where I will have internet access. I miss you internet! Wow, that was pathetic, I didn’t just say that.