Life is busy, and I love it.

I am so tired when I don’t need to be. School, clubs, social, work. I could just do nothing but I push myself to do more. Why? Don’t know, I seem to get bored easily and I constantly need to be fidgeting with something. I want to buy a Rubiks Cube and try to get it so I can solve it under 3 minutes like some people I have talked to. They told me it’s all strategy and plus it should keep my brain active for a while.

Leaders Across Campus, is this program I belong to at my college. It’s a mentoring program where people who need academic mentoring sign up and are paired with someone according to their personality. This semester I decided to help out on the board and be a team leader. What I do is I am given a group of mentors and they report to me weekly on what’s going on with their mentees. It’s all fun and rewarding but sometimes, it just literally kills me. I can go home after an event held and literally fall asleep which is saying something since that’s rare of me.

But that’s just me. I enjoy it. I may get teased at for all the moaning and bitching I do, but in the end, I finish the job and I don’t care what people say.

[sidenote]Hey, I know you are reading this and this is just my way to release my thoughts. I won’t include your name of course 😛 [/sidenote]

We are always thanked by our advisors but sometimes it just seems fake. What kind of world do we live in where they can always be happy 24/7. What they ask of the board (president, VP and team leaders) is sometimes just too much. We aren’t trained for this but we are doing our best. While we try our best, sometimes they still imply that we are not doing enough. We all live hectic lives and we try to put this program up top but sometimes I think the advisors need to CHILL THE FUCK OUT.

I know they want us to help the mentees but sometimes some just don’t know how to say no. Maybe it’s the nine weeks of not returning any sort of phone calls, emails or pigeon carriers that we send them that is a clue. Some are shy, I may do that if I didn’t want a mentor. Some of our members may have problems in their own lives that they need to handle first. What’s the point of mentoring someone if you can’t handle your own life first?

Sometimes, I wish I could quit. Just stop the program. Just stop. But what will happen? The board gets screwed over with one less team leader like it already happened twice. We got the president picking up a team leader position and another team leader picking up the other. It’s just not fair. Think about what you are doing before committing to it, it’s not cool to the team when you just up and leave and say “sorry.” If you were sorry, you wouldn’t have done that. And that’s what stopping me from quitting. I know the whole board personally and see them outside of the program enough to know that dropping that will literally put more stress and slowly kill them mentally. Most of us don’t have time to add anymore more. Out of the whole board, I am probably the only one that can take one more position and I don’t even want to.

I need to speak. I can’t stand it anymore. Most of the board meetings I usually zone out so I don’t need to listen to the generic bullshit everyone throws at each other. I know what they are going to say, just stop it.

I’ll speak next time. No more zoning out. I don’t care who hates me, I need to stand up for myself.

[offtopic: Holy crap, this post looks like an elementary kid wrote it. Thank goodness that I am a math major.]